Want to Grow & Build a Better Life? Get Around Good People 🗣️💪📈

One of the catch-22s with social anxiety is that isolation can breed more isolation.

You know that having genuine connection with the right people could help you, but the wrong people can hold you back — and you don't want to end up feeling even more held back.

Fortunately, there are some great communities out there full of non-judgemental people with a positive, growth-focused mindset.

One thing that really helped me was starting to attend exercise classes.

It got me around people, which is part of the battle, but I also saw improvements in my fitness. This meant there was a benefit from putting myself through the discomfort that was separate from the social side of things.

Over time, going to exercise classes evolved into becoming part of a community of regulars who train for Hyrox, DEKAFIT and all kinds of fitness events. We also organise socials such as meals and escape rooms.

Because it's such a positive community, accountability becomes much easier, training becomes more enjoyable and the connection starts to replace some of that isolation.

Your community could be something entirely different — perhaps singing, painting 🎨, acting or hiking 🥾.

If you get genuine benefits from the activity itself, it gives you a focal point for the socialising and creates lots of opportunities to build connections with familiar faces over time.

The scariest step is often attending for the first time. The second scariest can be going back and doing it again with the same group.

But you don't have to do everything in one day.

You could start by finding a community and noting down some upcoming dates. You might look at the logistics — how you'd get there, whether it fits your schedule and anything else that might make attending easier.

Once you've found an opportunity and can see that you could realistically do it, comes the bravest step:

Showing up as a newbie.

And to make that first visit easier, you can take a lot of the pressure off yourself.

You're not there to perform.

You're not there to prove anything.

You can treat the first visit as a reccy — you're simply checking out what the group is like, seeing how it feels and being present.

Your criteria for success can be incredibly simple:

You showed up and said hello to some people.

That's it.

You don't need to make a best friend.

You don't need to have amazing conversations.

You don't need to feel completely comfortable.

You've already done the important bit: you went.

Then, if you see potential in the group, you can repeat the process and gradually become a familiar face.

Part of your mind may want to protect you from that social exposure, but you don't have to overcome the whole fear in one go.

You can find the opportunity.

You can plan the logistics.

You can attend once.

And then you can decide whether you'd like to go again.

If you're looking for a community specifically for overcoming social anxiety and building confidence while connecting with people, I've built one!

You can find it elsewhere on my website and, as well as hosting in-person events to help people tackle social fears almost every week, I'll be adding virtual events before the end of the year as well. 🙂💪🗣️📈

Exposure therapy combined with genuine connection, supportive conversations, talking through challenges and having fun can be a powerful combination for improving your life.

And if you're looking for coaching to help with social anxiety, relationships, building positive habits and more, feel free to check out my coaching page for more information.

Cheers for reading, and I look forward to hopefully chatting sometime!

Phil